It Begins And Begins

Tunes I WAS Groovin' To : Diamonds and Guns – Transplants

Tunes I’m Groovin' To : The Bucket – Kings of Leon

Today was the last day of school for three of my offspring which means it is REPORT CARD DAY!!

What a happy day for me. Jade brought home A’s straight down the line, Dylan is B’s and C+’s which is up from last term and Brody brought in A’s and B’s which is also the same as last term.

Whose fucking kids are these?? Around the house, these kids are continually acting like they’ve fallen off a chicken truck, feathers flying, wings flapping, squawking and clucking. The hubby and I are convinced we qualify for a ‘Special Parking’ permit these kids act so retarded.

Now that summer vacation has officially begun I can begin my stretch of worrying whether or not these kids are beating each other and getting blood on my beige carpet.

On that note… sleep sweet, Fuckers.

A Skipping Record

Tunes I’m Groovin' To : Loser – 3 Doors Down

I say this all the time so I’m sure I sound like a skipping record. (A big vinyl black flat disc for all you youngsters popping in.) My kids are fucking hilarious!!

Yeah, that’s the repetitive part. I know I’ve been gushing about them lately but it’s pretty rare I like pre-teens and teens these days so I have to share when it’s good. It’s been pretty good. Go figure. I guess the moon is in alignment and the hormones have settled.

This is my new favourite moment:

Brody comes to me in the kitchen yesterday afternoon to inform me of his new powers. Taking my left hand, turning it palm up he says to me “Mom, I’m psychic. I see that you will be giving me a glass of pop in the future.”

I turn away because all I want to do is laugh and I can’t. If he can keep a straight face, then I can keep a straight face.

I turn my attention back to Brody and say to him “Brody, you may be psychic, but I’m a Jedi. ~hand gesture~ You don’t want pop. ~hand gesture~ You want to go to your room.”

We stare at each other for a bit before he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Once he cracked up it was all over for me. The little fuckers just don’t know how hilarious they really are.

I LOVE my life…

Graduation Day

Tunes I'm Groovin' To : Sweet Child 'O Mine - Guns 'n Roses

My babies graduated seventh grade today and all these crazy memories and visuals were click click clicking through my brain rapid speed. One minute I'm seeing them as they are this very minute and the next I'm seeing Jade when she was a teeny tiny squid of a baby and Dylan about four years old laying in the sand intently watching the world go by.

It's fucked up how much I crazy love my offspring.

My kids were getting ready this morning for their ceremony marking the next passage of their lives. What a sight to see. The excitement showed in their faces, the knowing they were on to bigger, better things. It was fantastic! Daniel took the boy out early this morning and then for a sharp haircut. A Father-Son ritual which gave me the opportunity to have the Mother-Daughter ritual with my girl.

We did last minute alterations to her dress, hair, make-up, jewellry and nails. She's always beautiful but this morning, she was stunning. She was glowing and she smiled from her eyes and her spirit looked happy. Compared to all the little girl sheep, dresses and hair the same, Jade is definately an original NDN Princess bohemian spirit. I don't know why I never truly realized that before. Maybe I did and forgot? I wish I had her style though.

Dylan was so handome in a blue plaid short sleeve shirt and nice khaki shorts with his new 'do. He looked pretty darn snazzy. Handsome like Dad in a cleaned up thugtastic kinda way. The ceremony itself was a lame elementary school production which meant it was done with love and innocence. Yup, it was perfect. I saw my daughter entering the gym and I immediately started crying with Daniel's tears close behind. Dylan, the little cutie, also brought on a flood of tears which kinda irked me since I had just composed myself from the first kid.  The awards had us all hooting and hollering like a group of lunatics but I know the kids loved it. (They told us so. :P) Jade won the Citizenship Award and Second Place for the Math Award. (I don't know who's womb she came from. Math+Stacey=Dumbshit) She was pissed she lost out on the Academic Award. She let her science grade fall by two percent and now she's beating herself up about it. Silly little thing. I thought Dylan would've won the Athletic Award since he's a little brick shithouse but he lost out to Samson. Little bastard. hahaha!!!

I am so proud of them for a myriad of reasons. Of whom they were. Who they are. Who they'll become. I'm honoured the Creator granted us the trust and privileged of being their parents. What a fantastic day. That's far too many in a row. I'm truly blessed.

 

Grown men can learn from very little children for the hearts of the little children are pure. Therefore, the Creator may show to them many things which older people miss. -- Black Elk --

Do The Titles Really Matter?

Tunes I’m Groovin' To : Remedy – Seether

I have one more rant before I take my ass to bed. Sometimes, when I let them, the women at work make me feel like this:

I’ve been scrawny forever. I’m straight up and down like a stickbug, with scrawny little chicken wings and chicken legs. I have no ass. I have no tits. I don’t exercise. I eat McDonald’s three times a week. I have no comprehension of carbs, proteins and Atkin’s diet. I eat salad because I like it doused in thousand island dressing and big fat crouton’s. Nope. No need to dip the one piece of lettuce into a teeny side dish of dressing. In fact, I could drink the dressing like a can of Pepsi and you wouldn’t notice. I don’t take the stairs. I always use the elevator. Even if it’s only for one floor. I don’t run. I don’t jog. I don’t even think about those two things and myself in the same thought.

Ask me if I ever eat. Ask me what I eat. Ask me how I can eat what I eat. Because… that’s not fucking rude at all. Not ALL skinny people shove their fingers down their throat or refuse to be fed unless it’s via IV. Do you really think BONES is a compliment?? Don’t try and give me your self image issues for something I have no control over. Dummies.

Some of us are born this way and no matter how hard we try, we don’t get bigger. I’m not apologizing for looking like a toboggan leaning against a wall.

I’m going to go eat a bag of cookies and drink a can of Pepsi right before bed. I might even sneak one of the kids chocolate pudding snacks.

You asked. Night, Fuckers.

I'm A Brat

Tunes I’m Groovin’ To : Butcher Blues – Kasabian

Is Father’s Day over yet?

I wanna get back to it being all about ME at some point. Mwahahahaha!!!!!

Still Laughing

Tunes I’m Groovin' To : All Used Up – Sloane

I just heard the funniest thing coming down the hall from the bathroom. Seriously, I can’t stop laughing. What do I always say? These offspring crack me the fuck up.

Dylan: Whoa… check this out.

Sarah: Ew, is that dirt?

Dylan: No, it’s hair.

Jade: There’s only like… three!

Dylan: It’s still somethin’.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

OMG…. this just in!

Dylan: I got a pimple! Fricken grossssss.

Sarah: It’s not a pimple, it’s dirt.

Sarah must think Dylan is PigPen from Peanuts comics since dirt is her answer to everything.

They’re a riot, dammit!! ha!

I love my life…

let's go crazy

if u dont like

the world youre living in

take a look around u

at least u got friends

u see i called my old lady

4 a friendly word

she picked up the phone

dropped it on the floor

sex sex is all i heard

are we gonna let de elevatorbring us down

oh no lets go

lets go crazy

lets get nuts

lets look 4 the purple banana

til they put us in the truck lets go